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08/30/2013

Speaking Two Different Languages

Troy speaking:

Another week, another challenge.  Our headline is we don't speak about money, we don't plan for money.  Well, we have been planning for money, much better since we started project money.  However, we are still having problems talking about money.  When I want to talk about it or try to, Nicky thinks that I am over worrying or being too negative.  I think that she is trying to avoid the topic and then we get into an argument.  I think that one of our problems that we have with the money topic is that we are speaking two different languages. 

Just because I am not happy that I spent nearly $400 this week (twice my stated goal), does not mean it is the end of the world.  Nor, does it mean that I am unhappy overall.  Nor, depressed, or anything else.  A lot of things conspired to get to this point this week.  But, instead of talking about it, she immediately tries to change the subject.  This is one of the reasons that she thinks that she has to deal with all of the joint finances.  And that leads to her stress and anxiety because she does not have enough time to properly deal with it.  Which leads to overdue and late bills, which leads us to project money.  Kind of a vicious cycle.

This is one of the reasons that we are where we are.  We are trying to work on solutions to this.  I am hoping that project money has made us aware of our differences and how we handled them.  One of our differences is that I want to talk over the problems right away and not let them sit and grow bigger.  Nicky on the other hand, does not want the confrontation right away.  She seems to want to have time to sort things out and come back to them later to deal with.  I am hoping that we can find some sort of middle ground to deal with this.

Nicky’s turn….. 10 years into marriage and some days figuring out my hubby is like figuring out a Rubik’s Cube where someone has taken off the stickers and put them in different spots and you are trying to solve the puzzle but you know that there is no solution only mass confusion! Or when you have 3 colors in a row you know you’ll never solve the entire puzzle but feel like such a rock star that you got 3 in a row! That’s what marriage is and to us money is like this as well – it’s a constant puzzle.

Troy does have a point. With the help of Summit we are committed to making talking about money a lifestyle change – it’s adult growth and figuring out how you can change and be (honestly) really OK with all these changes. A while back we gave our Coach Kris a referee jersey because she’s a lot like a referee – she plays by her rules – (ones that make sense btw) and when one of us violates the rules, she steps in – and tells us so – but not in a judgmental way, but in a way that makes you realize that you to can play fair and still win the game – or win PM!!

 

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