Saving for Dying

It’s come time for my grandmother to move into an assisted living facility. She’s made it to age 89 living on her own, which I tell you is a pretty amazing feat. She’s spent the last year or more living with severe osteoporosis that has made her body incredibly fragile, and she’s down to 90 some pounds. Sometimes her bones break just by getting up off the chair. Last week she woke up in extreme back pain. Though the doctor wouldn’t do x-rays, we all agree she most likely broke her back again. 

My aunts and uncle have found her a very nice place to stay where she’ll still have her “own” apartment and can furnish with her personal belongings. It took some coaxing to get her to agree to moving yet again (she moved into a new apartment two years ago so that she would be on the first floor). She told me the other day that she just doesn’t like change; yet she knows it’s a good thing for her. Not just because there will be someone to watch after her but she’ll have people her age to talk to and play cards with (apparently they have a euchre tournament once a week – I was thinking I might get in on that!!). I always felt so sad when I left after a visit and she would be alone. She would spend most of her days watching TV, and if she wasn’t feeling tired or sore, she would go for a walk. We’re all hoping that her health improves because she will be able to socialize a lot easier; something research has determined improves your longevity.

I can’t imagine the difficulty when you get to the age where your body just doesn’t work anymore but your mind is still quite sharp. I called her the other day and offered to stay overnight with her. In her stubborn tone she said she’s not a baby and didn’t want me to come to help, but I was more than welcome to visit!! I imagine that it’s also incredibly hard to be faced head on with your own mortality. There’s only one place left for you to go after moving into an assisted living facility at 89. So being faced with the reality that this is most likely your last stop in life must be really, really hard. Maybe she has six months left, maybe she has a year, maybe two, but regardless her time is slowly coming to an end. 

She has maybe enough finances saved away to cover 6 months of her stay in the assisted living facility. My grandmother was very frugal in her days and knows exactly where every penny of her money goes. So, life basically comes down to saving so you can die in a humane and dignified way. I’ve been helping my family figure out how we will pay for the assisted living facility after her savings and assets are depleted. Medicaid will kick in after she reaches less than $2,000 in assets (gee thanks!). And, of course the facility claims they won’t kick her out once her money runs out (another thanks!!). My grandmother is also a veteran of World War II. She served in the WAVES (Women Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service), which were a World War II-era division of the U.S. Navy that consisted entirely of women. According to Wikipedia, the WAVES were considered “emergency” due to the unusual circumstances of the war and that at the end of the war the women would not be allowed to continue in Navy careers (I’ll avoid any commentary about that!!!). However, the WAVES were considered an official part of the Navy, and its members held the same rank and ratings as male personnel, and received the same pay!! Veteran’s benefits seem even harder to obtain and the paperwork and processes you have to go through to even be considered seem almost not worth the hassle. 

This all has been quite a learning experience for me and I’m sure I’ll be doing this again when my parents get to that age. I strongly encourage everyone to plan ahead and get some financial and legal advice on the best ways to live the remaining days of your life.  Seems so sad to save for dying; but it’s inevitable so it’s best to be proactive so you can go out in style!

Comments

[sheila]

Very good story Jennifer. I appreciate your honesty!